Kevin's Universe
by PenguinPatrolerArmy
Summary: Crystal Grump AU! yay!
1. Prolouge

(Sing to the tune of the theme

We,

Are the Crystal Grumps!

We'll always play the games.

And if you think we can't,

We'll always find a way!

That's why the people of YouTube,

Believe in:

Arin,

Barry-

(Offbeat) Ross,

and Dan,

And KEVIN!

(Also Holly and Suzy, They're here too.)

* * *

 **I'm Bored and have writers block so I'm gonna be writing for the Crystal Grump AU that's been going around tumblr...**

 **Most of the chapters will be re-written Steven Universe episodes with extra dialogue here-and-there and may be some original scenarios thrown in as well. The Grumps have interchangeable roles (Save for Kevin, Who is basically Steven) through out this fic and may occasionally suffer from OCC during some bits, thou I'll try to even them out as much as I can.**

 **Also random Youtubers will be taking the roles of the supporting cast (Such as Lars, Sadie, The 'Cool' Kids, The Frymans, and Whatnot).**

 **Anyways**

 **ON TO THE FIRST CHAPTER!**

 **-8Bits**


	2. Gem Glow I

**_"NOOOOOOOO!"_** Kevin screamed out, "This can't be happening, This _has_ to be a dream!" the young boy ran over to one of the employees, hugging his ankes

"Caddie! Caddie, Please tell me I'm dreaming!"

"Get off me Kevin, I'm trying to stock the Shelves." Kevin reluctantly released the teen, a girl looked down at him with sympathy.

"I'm sorry, Kevin," Dodger apologized, "I guess they stopped making them."

"'Stopped making them'? Why in the world would they stop making 'Cookie Cats'?" Kevin wailed as he looked at the freezer, "They're only the most scrumptious and delicious Ice Cream sandwich ever made... DON'T THEY HAVE LAWS FOR THIS?" Caddicarus let out a long, annoyed sigh.

"Tough bits, Geezer. No one buys 'em anymore... probably couldn't compete with 'Lion Lickers.'" Kevin looked at the large storage unit on the opposite wall.

"No one likes Lion Lickers! They don't even look like lions... Kid's these day's, I'll tell you what-"

"Well if ya miss yer wimpy ice cream so much, why don't ya make some with yer _'magic_ navel cavity'?" Caddicaurus stated mockingly.

"That's not how it works, Caddie!" Kevin crossed his eyes to stare at his nose... Or at least where his nose would be; if a small, green gem didn't reside there. The boy let out a defeated sigh.

"Oh sweet Cookie Cats, With yours crunchy outside, and your creamy insides. You were too good for this world." Kevin doodled an image of a cookie cat with the condensation on the freezer, then he planted a small kiss on it, all whilst hugging the small freezer. Dodger and Caddicarus stared awkwardly from behind the counter.

"Uh, Kevin..." Dodger managed to speak up, "Do you want to take the freezer with you?" Kevin said nothing, but nodded in agreement. He unplugged the small unit and carried it outside the building. The young boy seemed a little happier knowing he could have the freezer. Kevin made his way over to the far side of the nearby beach. He climbed the large, complex set of stairs that led up to his house and opened the door.

"Hey guys! You won't believe-" Kevin started, but something tackled him to the ground before he could finish. The bug-like creature snapped at Kevin, trying to take a bite out of him.

Then a beam of light knocked the creature off him. Kevin looked up at his savior.

"S'up, Kevin." Arin greeted before returning to the bug. Kevin looked around to see the other grumps fighting off bug creatures as well.

"W-what is going on?" Kevin asked, fear entering his voice. Holly walked next to him, holding a large bug in her arms and snapping it's neck before she got closer to him.

"Sorry about that, Kevin" She said concerningly, "We'll try to get these centipeetles out of your room."

"We think they were trying to invade the temple." Barry added as he threw his shield at a few of them.

"J-just... get rid of them, please. I really hate bugs." Kevin stammered.

"Hey you guys..." Suzy called out, "I don't think these things have gems."

"That probably means there's a mother somewhere nearby." Dan remarked.

"Y'know, maybe This **mother** is actually the **third** incarnation of mothers." An Australian voice chortled.

"Goddammit Ross..." Dan grumbled. Kevin turned his attention to a centipeetle that was rummaging through the fridge. The boy grabbed a nearby broom and used it to defend himself as he shooed off the creature.

"G-Get away from there!" He said in a non-threatening voice as he swept. The bug scurried away with a can in it's jaws.

"Aw man, It got into everything..." Kevin sighed. Arin, having heard that the Centipeetle ate all the food, was pissed. He charged a beam from his hand-cannon, blasting it at the creature and completely disintegrating it.

"No one... eats my food... except me." The grump declared. Kevin peeked up into the freezer to see if anything in there got consumed. There, he saw a mount-full of cookie cats.

"N-no way... It can't be!" The boy shouted in disbelief as he pulled one of the Ice-Cream sandwiches out of the freezer. The older grumps gathered near him.

"Wh-where did you get these? I thought they stopped making them!"

"Well," Barry began, "We heard that too and since they're your favorite-"

"We went out and _stole_ a bunch!" Suzy exclaimed.

"...I went back and paid for them." Holly assured.

"And the entire thing was my Idea!" Ross stated proudly.

"Ross, you didn't even leave the house." Dan reputed.

"Yeah," Arin agreed, "You just sat on your ass playing Pokemon for 5 hours!"

"Look, All that matters is that Kevin is happy." Barry said selflessly. Kevin then randomly busted out into a musical number for no reason:

" _Awww!  
He's a frozen treat with an all new taste,  
'Cause he came to this planet from outer-space!  
A refugee of an interstellar war,  
But Now He's at your local grocery store!  
Cookie Cat!  
He's a pet for your tummy,  
Cookie Cat,  
He's super duper yummy!  
Cookie Cat!  
He left his family behind!  
Cookie Caaaaaaat!_

Now available at Gurgan's off Route 109."

Kevin smiled, having succeeded in making his friends laugh.

"You guys are the best, I'm gonna save these **forever**!... Right after I eat this one." Kevin pulled the cat-shaped novility out of the plastic wrapping and began munching on the dessert, eating the ears first. The boy closed his eyes and savored the taste. then he heard a collection of gasps.

"Uhh, Kevin?" Arin questioned, "Dude! Open your eyes!" The young boy did as he was told, a lime-ish hue surrounded the group. It didn't take him long to figure out where it was coming from.

"M-My gem!" Kevin exclaimed.

"Quick! Try to summon your weapon!" Suzy requested.

"I don't know how?" The light from the gem suddenly became dimmer.

"It's fading!" Kevin panicked, "How do I make it come back?"

"Calm down Kevin," Holly instructed, "Breathe... Don't force it-"

"Try not to shit your pants either." Ross added.

"In all seriousness though, please don't" Danny said in agreement. The gem's light faded away into nothingness. Kevin stored the Ice-cream back int the freezer and slouched to the floor.

"I was really close that time, too!" He grumbled sadly, "Can one of you guys explain how to summon a weapon?"

* * *

 **Okay! that's all I'm gonna write for now, cause that's a little over a thousand words.**

 **Next Chapter will be weapon summoning.**

 **update: fixed some spelling errors**

 **-Commander Penguin**


	3. Gem Glow II

"Can one of you guys explain how to summon a weapon?" Holly's expression suddenly became cheery.

"I'll go first!" She said in a singy-songy voice.

 **(And suddenly they were at a tree, right now, not being written in later:)**

Holly gently held a pigeon in her hands, showing it to the young gem.

"Now, Pay attention to this birb, Kevin." She began to explain, "Do you see the pattern and designs of it's feathers?"

"Um, Yeah?"

"Good. Now while you may think this pattern is at random, it's actually a very delicate form of evolution that his species has spent **Millions** of years trying to perfect and use to identify themselves from other birbs... If you work hard, and dedicate yourself, you master the powers of your gem and create your very own pattern!" After finishing her speech, Holly proceeded to summon her blaster, showing it to Kevin. He didn't understand as well as he would've liked, but appreciated her advice non-the-less. He picked up a feather that had fallen off the bird at some point and left the area.

 **(Time-skip brought to you by Milton's Milton Factory, 'Don't go to Mory's, he only makes Morys...** **)**

Kevin sat outside of the doughnut shop. staring at the feather, studying it's details. Making sure to get a good look at every nook and cranny.

"Did Holly tell you the pigeon thing?" a voice asked. Kevin looked up to Dan standing above him.

"Yeah," The boy confirmed, "I need to perfect my form so I can paint immortal 'birbs'... I think."

"Listen Kevin..." Dan explained, "Practicing is important, but you need to still have time to mess around. Take me, for instance: I'm a Gem by day, sexy Jewish rock-star by night. And I also sometime's destroy things." Dan proceeded to summon his katana and throw it at a nearby dumpster. The blade sliced the metal container in half.

"-See? Took it seriously and still had some fun with it." Kevin tried his best to process the information. Until a scream zapped him back into reality.

"What did you shag-heads do to the rubbish container?" Caddie yelled. The two grumps ran off, not wanting to get into more trouble.

 **(Shoulda Rolled...)**

Kevin stopped by the arcade to catch his breath. He'd split up from Dan a while back and had no idea of the singer's whereabouts. When his stamina finished returning to him, He noticed two familiar faces leaving the game-house.

"H-hey! Arin, Suzy!" He managed to catch the grumps attention. They stopped to let him catch up to him and explain his predicament.

"So, Holly was too explanatory... And Dan was too straight-forward." Suzy questioned.

"That sounds about right." Arin noted, "Anyway's- do you want our explanation on weapons?" Kevin nodded. Arin distanced himself a little was from the young boy and his wife.

"Okay... Now say something that will irritate me." He instructed.

"Umm... Skyward Sword was a good game?" Kevin tried. Arin's gem began to glow and soon his signature hand-cannon formed around it and fired a lemon at a random object.

"How did you do that?" The young gem asked.

"I channeled the anger from that comment you made and focused it into my gem, then I just sorta let it out... You didn't really mean that thing about Skyward Sword, Right?"

"No. Of course not... So, How does Suzy summon her weapon?"

"Pretty much the same way... But with a Flail instead of a cannon."

"Can I see?"

"Sure!" Suzy then proceeded to summon her flail, throwing it with the scream of an amazonian warrior...

Unfortunately the flail hit an arcade machine, smashing it into a million pieces and causing it to burst into flames. The three gems watched as the fire became bigger, Sirens entering their ears...

"Remember the last 10 seconds of our life?" Arin asked.

"What 10 seconds?" Suzy replied.

"Good to see we're on the same page then." Kevin stated as he began running once more.

 **(This sounds like a result of bad writing.)**

Kevin made sure to close the door when he entered the house, even though he wasn't sure if anyone was following him. The boy slouched on the couch next to Ross, who was playing on his 3DS.

"Hey Ross, how do you summon your weapon?" He asked. Ross simply pulled his shovel out of the gem on his forehead without much effort.

"So.. How did you do it?" Ross shrugged.

"I've never really had much trouble summoning it. It just sort of happens."

"... Goddammit Ross."

"KEVIN TRON ABERNATHY!" A voice rang, "Just because we swear, doesn't mean you can!" Barry looked down at he young grump in disappointment. Kevin let out an annoyed groan.

"I'm just... Why can't I summon my weapon like you guys?"

"Kevin," Barry sighed, "Learning how to summon your weapon takes time. I had a lot of trouble with it when I was about your age."

"Well how did you figure it out?"

"Well, I'm not sure I could recall it now... But I guess i just realized that I needed to protect the people I care about. I tried a few different things, and when those didn't work I kept going."

"So I just have to keep practicing until I figure something out?"

"Yup!"

"Do you think re-creating what happened the last time would help?" Kevin asked hopefully. Barry seemed confused by his words...

"I guess it wouldn't hurt to try."

* * *

 **I was gonna write more, but I kinda ran out of steam towards the end... well that and I have to focus on these other non-GG things I'm doing**

 **I appreciate feedback if you guys have any so, please leave reviews.**

 **-Commander Penguin**


End file.
